Gingerbread

Ever have so much on your mind you don’t know where to start? I’m sure many a woman out there can relate to the multi-tasking brain and sentences jumbling over each other in your mind as you try to pull the various subjects together in to something that makes sense. I’ve heard that men don’t do the multi-tasking thing well and can really only tackle one train of thought at a time. So I’m just saying that anyone with a bit more testosterone in their system might not get where I’m coming from. Anyhoo… where to go with all this? I’m thinking I’m going to steal from my favorite blogger, P-Dub, and just do a bulleted mind dump!

• Blogging… I haven’t done much (ok, any) lately. I do miss it… but just haven’t made time for it. My resolution is to do more. The online journaling and putting my “stuff” out there to the world… I think it’s a good thing. Plus a few of the blogs I read regularly have been talking about the Blogher conference in New York this week… so it got me to the site and it looks like a really interesting conference. Not that I can afford a trip to NYC… or the conference… but the concept keeps resonating with me to do something else with my life. R and I have talked about online businesses many a time… but just haven’t done it yet.
  


• Gingerbread. Gingerbread. Gingerbread. {sigh} Never before did I think that word would bring such a smile to my face! KEW started at Gingerbread Daycare this week and the first three days have been AWE-SOME! KEW is happy, routine is back in our life, Mama is happy – we SO needed this!!!
  


• Hot. Holy crap batman… it is so hot and muggy today! I am extremely thankful that my office is on the cool side of the building – I was even wearing a sweater until after lunch. But walking down to my car after work… the air is HOT! And the air quality… not so good. We have the tangerine sun and haze in the air that shows way too many fires burning in this region. I can feel it… my body doesn’t like this. I can’t even imagine what folks closer to the fires are going through. The mainland had an air quality warning on today – telling people not to do any strenuous exercise outside, especially if they have bad lungs. That’s not good. Smoke and smog don’t mix well. I hate to say it, but dang we could use some rain to help clear the air and stop some fires!
  


• Home is such a good place for us now. I only have a few more pictures to put on the wall, and then a few organizational and decorating touches to finish off… and then we are officially settled. I LOVE it here… really LOVE it! Everything happens for a reason and when it is supposed to… I’ve believed that for a long time, and I continue to do so now.
  Today my boss told me that my hair looked good and I looked years younger. I decided to encourage the curl instead of the blow out. It’s faster and hides the grey better. I like it… a little more playful… and heck, if people are going to tell me it makes me look younger, I’ll take it!
  


• Geez… 10 minutes until So You Think You Can Dance. Geez I love that show… it so feels like summer! And there is always at least a dance or two that bring me to tears. I love it when art expresses emotion.
  


• Art… dang, I so haven’t done any art for myself in years. Unless you count my doodling. I doodle a lot. It helps me in meetings when I need to keep my mouth shut. I really do need to invest in a nice doodle book to carry around… to capture that new form of art. Excellent… another thing on my to do list!

Alright, that is it for now. I need to get myself organized for the day tomorrow and get that TV turned on for my show!

Gonna be a better me than anyone else!

OK... so we all know I'm not a big religious gal (ok, at all)... but aside from all of the God references in this song, it has always been one that I love. Was listening to it - I mean really listening to the words - on the drive home tonight.

A couple inches taller
Another size smaller
A little curl in my hair
Used to wish I was older
Now I wish I was younger
Back when I didn't have a care
Most of the time I am happy with what God gave me
Once in a while I wish that some miracle would change me

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

Mama says I'm special
Calls me her little angel
Yeah, I could almost do no wrong
But I trip and stumble
Guess that's what keeps you humble
But I pick myself up and I carry on
I'll never be a flawless model of perfection
Nobody's perfect and I admit I'm no exception

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

I'm thankful for the rainy days
They only make the sunshine sweeter

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta rememberI'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

I so love it when a song just hits ya... and says, well, everything. Thank goodness for music! And Carolyn Dawn Johnson who wrote this song. And for reminding me that ya, I'm always going to be the best me there is... and that's a good thing!

Foggy Mirror

The New Year is supposed to be a time of fresh starts… but right now I’m fogging up the mirror that I’m reflecting in. Things are cutting a little too close right now… so I’m not sure that I’m happy with what I see – or what to do about it.

My cousin and brother got engaged over the holiday season (no, not to each other). Is that a good thing? Ya, sure – I’m happy for them. How does that make me feel? Well, honestly, rather crappy. Of course it’s not intentional, but it does serve as a reminder that not only am I no where near a wedding, I’m not even close to a relationship. Do I have wonderful comments like “when are you going to find someone and get married?” to look forward to… gee, only if I’m really lucky.

I’m not happy with where I’m living. Every day seems to be a constant reminder that I am living in a rental suite… and in no way shape or form can I get in to the housing market right now. Yes, I know, a ton of people are in this same situation… doesn’t make me feel any better. I hate that I can’t afford to be in a place of our own for KEW and myself. I mean really hate it.

My job isn’t the place I want to be… but it is a place I need to be. I need those vacation and sick days, those benefits, that pension and that “history” that allows me to call in working from home when necessary because my kid is sick. Again, I know that this is how things work for the majority of the population… but it doesn’t make things feel any happier. Yes, I know that I’m lucky to have a job. I’m having a pity party – let me be!

I was told last night by a close friend that “I scare her”… or something to that effect (let’s just say I had lost count if which cocktail we were on by then). Ouch… that’s a bitter and hard pill to swallow – no matter what the comment was! I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends… more to have a few close friends… am I really that scary? Has that “tough exterior” I’ve built up over the years gotten too tough? Yikes!

So what am I going to do about this and why am I writing about this? Not sure… guess I’m just putting it out in to the Universe… to see what I do with it.

Oy…

Kistmas!

Whew – we finally made it through Christmas (or Kistmas as KEW says). The days leading up to the big day and the big day itself go by faster are much more busy than you ever want (or remember)… and that is even more true when you have a busy toddler. Loads of fun were had by all… but there were more than a few challenging moments. Lots of sugar and so much stimulation make for many an adventure to get a young girl to nap or go to bed at her regular time. This has a tendency to make a Mama more tired and irritable than usual… which ultimately makes for a roller coaster ride of a holiday season. As much as there were moments of amazing joy and laughter experiencing Christmas through the eyes of my girl… there were moments where full on exhaustion and frustration and just too much to do brought me to tears (go figure, the mother of a toddler in tears… what’s new?!?!). As has been said by many an adult in this world… Christmas really is for the kids. Never before have I realized or truly understood what toll this takes on the parents of said kids. I have and will continue to sacrifice pretty much anything for my kid and to keep us both healthy and safe… but this holiday season has reminded me (once again) of how different my life is from a few years ago.

Santa… and lessons from a cook

So I finally made it back to the mall to go and pick up the Santa pics. I decided Tuesday afternoon was not going to be the day. Kaia woke up kinda cranky from her nap, and I had no desire to get myself cranky in the afternoon traffic. Besides, I already had a cranky morning after getting a phone call from work asking for my help. I ended up spending about an hour and a half online to fix someone else’s mistake. Actually, two other people not really doing their job at all… but that is a whole other story.

Anyhow, after fuming a bit, I saw the Chatelaine magazine that I read last week… including an interview with Nigella Larson, the British TV and cookbook star. In the interview they asked how she comes across as so comfortable on her shows. She explains that she started the TV bit right when her husband was dying from cancer. She learned very quickly that her job was just a job… and to let it stress her out so much that it carried over in to her personal life was not going to happen. She wasn’t going to waste the precious little time she had with her husband stressing out over work. Wow – what a reminder and an amazing lesson. I’m truly thankful that I haven’t had to learn that lesson first hand… but I am thankful that she shared. I don’t want to even consider how many hours of my personal time have been wasted (lost, caput, gone forever) being stressed or worried about work. Don’t get me wrong, I know that just having a job is a blessing… and I do like to work (most days even where I currently am)… but wow - that job has no right to invade my home life! I’m not really one for New Year’s Resolutions… but I think this is one worth trying!

Ho Ho Ho!

I’m SOOOOO happy to be off of work right now! Lucky for me that daycare closed on Friday and I need to take this week off of work as I’m without childcare (dang). With all of the rushing around and so much to do and so much excitement, I actually need these few extra days to get things finished and get organized! And to sleep – no really – KEW and I are BOTH tired! With all of the crazy energy at daycare and all of the running around, neither of us has been getting great sleep… or even rest. The last two nights she has taken a bit to settle down, but has then slept like a log and even slept in! Yes, when you are normally awake anywhere from 5am to 6am, waking up after 7am can officially be called sleeping in!

We went to visit Santa in the mall today… which was making Mama nervous. No, I don’t want to force my child to go and sit on the lap of a stranger… but I look back on many a photo from my own Christmas’ past and see my own growth at those milestone events. So of course I want the same for KEW. Last year wasn’t so pretty… much screaming was to be had. This year we have been building our way up to a visit with lots of references to the man in red and even an e-mail from him! The RRU Christmas party was not such a great experience with the Ho Ho guy… so I wasn’t optimistic. Then there was the line in the mall today… lines aren’t good. No, really, 2 year olds do not do well in lines. Lucky for us we had a wonderful 5 year old (another beautiful young ginger) in the line in front of us who became fond of “The Piya”, so we had some entertainment to help get us through. Then the girl in front of us had her turn as we waited on the sidelines… and all became silent. Oh oh… was this going to go bad? Our turn was next. Out of the stroller… Jerome in hand… and yippity do – right on over to Santa! She jumped up on his knee and had a little chat. There weren’t a lot of big grins… but there wasn’t fear either. Pictures you ask? Yes, there are pictures! I ordered them and paid for them… but the catch with Mayfair is that you have to go back the next day and get them. Oy… it’s going to be a long week!

'Tis the Season...

…to be DANG tired!

I’ve become my mother! Calm down - I mean that in a good way. Or at least I think it’s the good way! I don’t stop… I barely sit down anymore… my brain doesn’t stop. I haven’t yet asked if they’ve landed on the asteroid, but I do find myself paying less and less attention to TV and movies (gasp!!!). Me… I know… I LOVE TV… but Frack, there is a hell of a lot of stuff to get done in a day! And did I mention I’m tired!?!?!

Ok, so what has kept me busy… well there is that whole toddler thing (my girl has energy to burn!), and the whole Christmas thing (oh so much to see and do), and the whole work thing (crap I hate budget season… and organizational awkwardness – make a decision already!!!!) and then of course my new obsessions with two blogs.

First there is Bakerella. Man oh Man this chick is amazing – full of so many creative baking ideas! A friend e-mailed me her site on Sesame Street’s 40th Anniversary. Yes, my friend is another Mom… and we Moms have a lot to celebrate with Sesame Street! Anyways, Bakerella has these AMAZING Cake Pops. No really, this girl is GOOD. I do plan on recreating (in my own special way) some of the Elmo and Cookie Monster pops for Kaia’s birthday... and in the meantime, did some Christmas Reindeer Pops. I learned a lot about cake pops on Sunday. First of all, not every thing is better bigger… especially when it comes to cake pops. Secondly, the suggestion to COOL the pops, she wasn’t kidding. Thirdly, those candy melts do eventually harden… and if you don’t clean up as you go, you have a big hard crunchy mess! But from all accounts (so far everyone at daycare) the treats were great! Not hard to please a crowd of two year olds when sugar is involved… but I’ll take it!

So my second blog addiction is The Pioneer Woman. When I grow up, I think I want to be this lady. Although she is currently giving me a bit of an inferiority complex (how the hell does she do all that she does?!?!?), I’m hooked on her. Cooking, photography, animals, kids and of course the Marlboro Man. The more I read, the more I get hooked. Maybe one day I too will get to go from Black Heels to Tractor Wheels!