Some things go well together - others, not so much.

Strawberries and cream.
Vodka and cranberry.
Mashed potatoes and butter.
Apples and cinnamon.

I think you get my drift – some things go together perfectly. In fact, they can make you wonder why they aren’t a part of one another to begin with! Other things, well, let’s just say that together, they can make things challenging.

We know that kids and lack of sleep isn’t good. Nor is kids and lack of substantial food (e.g. protein). Well, the last few days have really proven to me that a preschooler/three-nager and really hot weather… they don’t do well together. I think it is because you get the combination of the lack of sleep and the lack of protein rolled in to one… and then it’s just hot and sticky. Not to mention that the Mama is hot and sticky and cranky too. It has made for a VERY long, hard day - one that I’m not really proud of or looking to repeat.

Born Again Breather

I don’t know if it is the born again breather (aka reformed smoker) coming to the surface again… or the mother of a child thing… but dang, I’ve been super frustrated by smokers lately!

The last few days I have had to follow smokers on the walk to the parking lot. With the breeze coming off the lagoon, you can’t help but smell the smoke even being back 20-30 feet. It made me mad that I had to walk through their stinky air… but made me madder that they were smoking in such a beautiful spot! I am so sick and tired of seeing the pathway and stairs on campus – a freaking National Historic Site – littered with cigarette butts. GROSS!

Today I watched a couple of young-ish gals taking a few smoke breaks in the area across from my office window. It was a quiet day, not a lot of people about, so they caught my attention a few times. I couldn’t help but think that these attractive young ladies looked so trashy and dirty while smoking. I’m guessing some thirty-something woman out there thought that about me at some time or another when I was smoking in my early twenties (which did not make me feel better)!

Then I had the conversation with myself of how to I make sure KEW doesn’t fall in to the smoking trap. I don’t have the answer to that one yet, but hopefully I have a few years yet!

My Kid ROCKS!

So let’s start this off by admitting that I’m a little hormonal. I’m just that kind of girl… sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I do both and I don’t know why. Thank you for the words to describe my disorder Terri Clark.

It is the performance finale of So You Think You Can Dance tonight… and they did the retrospective of some of the memorable moments. There were a few dances this season that got to me and brought me to tears (I love it when art does that – {sigh})… and seeing even the few clips made me a little teary. KEW was allowed a few minutes of TV before bed time as part of our deal (AKA she was stalling and I caved as a parent as I wanted to see SYTYCD), and she was sitting on my lap during the clips.

She looked up at me, saw the weepy eyes and said “Mama, you sad?” along with a hugely concerned face and a big hug. So this of course made me full on cry. As I tried to explain that the dance was really special but it made me kind of sad… I then told her that my tears were happy tears now and thank you for the hug.

Ok, so she’s really confused… but I’m super proud and happy and all smiles. I have a compassionate daughter whom I love to the moon and back.

And she loves me too.

Tasty

It’s been said before in my life… and will likely be said again – I taste good. No, I don’t mean in a sparkly vampire kind of way (at least for now, until I meet a sparkly vampire)… but to insects. Or bugs. Or spiders. However the crawling and/or flying creature that bit me is classified. I woke up to an itchy sore leg yesterday morning and it has only gotten worse. I generally try not to think about what actually caused such pain as I really don’t want to know what was on my leg – big or small. It generally starts out with a small scratchy area… and within hours I have a red hot scratchy area with a blister like thing in the middle (or thereabouts).

So how does a bite like this get worse one might wonder? Well let me tell you. It starts with the idea of going to Michaels to run in and run out with a stepping stone project. That part went off without a hitch. The beginning of the challenge came when I decided that I would pop over to Shopper’s in the new Uptown Centre to pick up some antihistamines to help soothe the leg. So trying to find a path to the upper level of Uptown was not as easy as I would have thought as there is only one entrance and it is only accessible from the one way section of Blanshard. So around and around I go and finally get there.

Parking up there is great and I am right near the door, which should make for an easy trip in and out. Nope – I was wrong. Kaia was instructed that since we were going to be quick she would need to hold my hand as we wandered the aisles. While I was reading the overhead signs trying to locate the allergies section, she zipped out of my hand and starts a running down a long aisle. I tell her to stop, which she does, and then ask her to come back, which she doesn’t. She gets “that look” in her eyes – the one every mother knows to mean potential chaos. Luckily were in the baby aisle so I was easily able to distract her with a “look at this” and she came back. We then had another discussion about holding hands or having to go back to the car. She said she didn’t want to go back and yes, would hold my hand. That lasted about 30 second as we walked by a couple more aisles and I wondered to myself where the frack is the allergy medication. She darted again. I warned her again and told her it was the last time. She held my hand again and I found a small display of allergy medication. Really… this huge Shopper’s only has 2 brands of allergy medication? There must be more around here somewhere. As I am turning trying to find more, someone decides that she needs to touch every box. I ask her to stop. She said no and proceeds to melt down mode. Excellent. Not only can I not find what I’m looking for (really people, let’s get some better signage), I now have to manage the screams and fits of my child. So I did what I said I wouldn’t do… I left. I made a threat that I had to keep and thus had to sacrifice what I came there for to take my child out to the car and go home. Not until I first got stared at by numerous customers, staff and the dude in the parking lot sweeping up garbage.

So three is supposed to be worse than two huh? No wonder so many mothers drink the cheap wine… they need the volume discount.

Gingerbread

Ever have so much on your mind you don’t know where to start? I’m sure many a woman out there can relate to the multi-tasking brain and sentences jumbling over each other in your mind as you try to pull the various subjects together in to something that makes sense. I’ve heard that men don’t do the multi-tasking thing well and can really only tackle one train of thought at a time. So I’m just saying that anyone with a bit more testosterone in their system might not get where I’m coming from. Anyhoo… where to go with all this? I’m thinking I’m going to steal from my favorite blogger, P-Dub, and just do a bulleted mind dump!

• Blogging… I haven’t done much (ok, any) lately. I do miss it… but just haven’t made time for it. My resolution is to do more. The online journaling and putting my “stuff” out there to the world… I think it’s a good thing. Plus a few of the blogs I read regularly have been talking about the Blogher conference in New York this week… so it got me to the site and it looks like a really interesting conference. Not that I can afford a trip to NYC… or the conference… but the concept keeps resonating with me to do something else with my life. R and I have talked about online businesses many a time… but just haven’t done it yet.
  


• Gingerbread. Gingerbread. Gingerbread. {sigh} Never before did I think that word would bring such a smile to my face! KEW started at Gingerbread Daycare this week and the first three days have been AWE-SOME! KEW is happy, routine is back in our life, Mama is happy – we SO needed this!!!
  


• Hot. Holy crap batman… it is so hot and muggy today! I am extremely thankful that my office is on the cool side of the building – I was even wearing a sweater until after lunch. But walking down to my car after work… the air is HOT! And the air quality… not so good. We have the tangerine sun and haze in the air that shows way too many fires burning in this region. I can feel it… my body doesn’t like this. I can’t even imagine what folks closer to the fires are going through. The mainland had an air quality warning on today – telling people not to do any strenuous exercise outside, especially if they have bad lungs. That’s not good. Smoke and smog don’t mix well. I hate to say it, but dang we could use some rain to help clear the air and stop some fires!
  


• Home is such a good place for us now. I only have a few more pictures to put on the wall, and then a few organizational and decorating touches to finish off… and then we are officially settled. I LOVE it here… really LOVE it! Everything happens for a reason and when it is supposed to… I’ve believed that for a long time, and I continue to do so now.
  Today my boss told me that my hair looked good and I looked years younger. I decided to encourage the curl instead of the blow out. It’s faster and hides the grey better. I like it… a little more playful… and heck, if people are going to tell me it makes me look younger, I’ll take it!
  


• Geez… 10 minutes until So You Think You Can Dance. Geez I love that show… it so feels like summer! And there is always at least a dance or two that bring me to tears. I love it when art expresses emotion.
  


• Art… dang, I so haven’t done any art for myself in years. Unless you count my doodling. I doodle a lot. It helps me in meetings when I need to keep my mouth shut. I really do need to invest in a nice doodle book to carry around… to capture that new form of art. Excellent… another thing on my to do list!

Alright, that is it for now. I need to get myself organized for the day tomorrow and get that TV turned on for my show!

Gonna be a better me than anyone else!

OK... so we all know I'm not a big religious gal (ok, at all)... but aside from all of the God references in this song, it has always been one that I love. Was listening to it - I mean really listening to the words - on the drive home tonight.

A couple inches taller
Another size smaller
A little curl in my hair
Used to wish I was older
Now I wish I was younger
Back when I didn't have a care
Most of the time I am happy with what God gave me
Once in a while I wish that some miracle would change me

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

Mama says I'm special
Calls me her little angel
Yeah, I could almost do no wrong
But I trip and stumble
Guess that's what keeps you humble
But I pick myself up and I carry on
I'll never be a flawless model of perfection
Nobody's perfect and I admit I'm no exception

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

I'm thankful for the rainy days
They only make the sunshine sweeter

I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta rememberI'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes

I so love it when a song just hits ya... and says, well, everything. Thank goodness for music! And Carolyn Dawn Johnson who wrote this song. And for reminding me that ya, I'm always going to be the best me there is... and that's a good thing!

Foggy Mirror

The New Year is supposed to be a time of fresh starts… but right now I’m fogging up the mirror that I’m reflecting in. Things are cutting a little too close right now… so I’m not sure that I’m happy with what I see – or what to do about it.

My cousin and brother got engaged over the holiday season (no, not to each other). Is that a good thing? Ya, sure – I’m happy for them. How does that make me feel? Well, honestly, rather crappy. Of course it’s not intentional, but it does serve as a reminder that not only am I no where near a wedding, I’m not even close to a relationship. Do I have wonderful comments like “when are you going to find someone and get married?” to look forward to… gee, only if I’m really lucky.

I’m not happy with where I’m living. Every day seems to be a constant reminder that I am living in a rental suite… and in no way shape or form can I get in to the housing market right now. Yes, I know, a ton of people are in this same situation… doesn’t make me feel any better. I hate that I can’t afford to be in a place of our own for KEW and myself. I mean really hate it.

My job isn’t the place I want to be… but it is a place I need to be. I need those vacation and sick days, those benefits, that pension and that “history” that allows me to call in working from home when necessary because my kid is sick. Again, I know that this is how things work for the majority of the population… but it doesn’t make things feel any happier. Yes, I know that I’m lucky to have a job. I’m having a pity party – let me be!

I was told last night by a close friend that “I scare her”… or something to that effect (let’s just say I had lost count if which cocktail we were on by then). Ouch… that’s a bitter and hard pill to swallow – no matter what the comment was! I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends… more to have a few close friends… am I really that scary? Has that “tough exterior” I’ve built up over the years gotten too tough? Yikes!

So what am I going to do about this and why am I writing about this? Not sure… guess I’m just putting it out in to the Universe… to see what I do with it.

Oy…