Giving Thanks...

So I caught myself in a bit of a pity party this morning after yet another round with Stinky Bum. I’m tired, I’m still recovering from being sick, my kid has been sick for a week and I’m frustrated that all of my efforts just aren’t making her well. Not to mention the fact that it was about 9am and I had already been up for nearly 4 hours. So I hit a weak moment of why this and why not that and poor poor me. Then I caught myself – this could be so much worse – on so many levels.

One of the gals I have worked with for years has a daughter in rehab in Vancouver after spending about 6 weeks in Children’s Hospital not knowing whether she was going to live or die. A gal I worked with died a couple of months ago from cancer… just before her 38th birthday. Ya, things could be a hell of a lot worse.

I started thinking about all of the things that I am so lucky to have… and really ran with it. I have an amazing daughter, who although she has “Stinky Bum” right now, can still laugh and smile and dance and is learning new words by the second – and I love her more than anything I ever could have imagined. I have an incredible family who love me and are so supportive – and they love each other. I have friends who I may not get to see as often as I would like, but are and will be there whenever I need them. I have a job. I have a place to live. I can put good food on the table for me and my daughter. And I could go on (did a bit more, but you get the point). Compared to way too many out there, I live a really good life. Ok, pity party over.

So then I went on FB and saw a few status updates and some of them included complaints about whatever was going on in their life. It got me thinking more and more about how ungrateful we can be – and on the Thanksgiving long weekend to boot! Things that others have that make me jealous, they are complaining about. Things that I have that are probably making other jealous of… I complain about. Wow… this really has to stop!

So here is my wish for this Thanksgiving - if you catch me bitching about something that I should be grateful for – call me on it. I need to stop – and honestly, so do you. So be prepared… it may be subtle or it may be direct… but I’m gonna start calling you out too.

Man, I Feel Like a Woman!

Sometimes the simplest things can make you feel sooooooo good! I’ll be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve shaved my legs… probably a good two or three weeks. Maybe it’s the busy single mom… or maybe just a busy mom (probably the latter as I’m sure Moms all over have this same challenge)… but these little details easily get bumped to the bottom of the to do list. I’m probably a little lucky as a single mom in that I don’t have a partner who is whining about my unshaven legs… but I’m not here to weigh in on the pros and cons of being a single mom. So, as much as I have wanted a nice hot relaxing bath over the last week or so, my schedule and my exhaustion and my cold had my cozy bed win out over the bath. But not so last night – I finally made some time for myself – woo hoo! A bit of a soak, legs shaved and underarms too and wham-oh, I’m feeling better!

The other thing that helps a gal feel pretty good is a compliment. Well I was the lucky lady to receive two out of the blue over the last two weeks. Yes I did complain about the first – it felt kinda creepy coming from someone as old as my grandfather. The second came when I was at the low stage of the cold and feeling pretty crappy… so I struggled to believe it. But in the end, when someone tells you that you “look beautiful today” or are “really looking great lately” it does eventually sink in, and does make you feel kinda good… even though it wasn’t from a hot single guy that I could crush on!

Trusting the Process...

A phrase I heard close to daily by faculty and students when I worked directly with the Leadership programs at RRU. Some days it was the winning phrase in Educational Bullshit Bingo… but other days it really did have some meaning. Right now I am working on my own personal and meaningful challenges where this has become the answer. I’m rather frustrated right now that I don’t have things exactly as I would like them – particularly on the home front. It hit me hard when I was pregnant and it’s hitting me a lot again lately – I really wish I had a home of our own for me and Kaia. Unfortunately that isn’t working out right now as I still have a bunch of debt (for way too many things) that I’m working on paying off. Not to mention staying on top of the normal day to day expenses for a single mom and a growing toddler. As much as I am learning to live without a lot of things… there are a lot of required expenses for KEW and myself. Sooo… finding money for a down payment and to know I can cover the monthly mortgage and household bills… well it just isn’t in the stars right now. So what do I tell myself when I get down and sad and angry and bitter – trust the process. Everything happens when it is supposed to and to who it is supposed to happen to. There is a lesson in all of this for me… so I have to move on from the feelings and find the truth behind it all. I think the hardest part of all of that trusting of process “stuff” is not to lose the dream.

Cupcakes and Water...

No, it’s not what I could live on for the rest of my life… it’s describing our “day out” on Sunday and the frustration that keeps rattling around in my brain.

First the good stuff – Sunday lunch with R and C. KEW and I crossed through the Tweed Curtain and in to Oak Bay to have lunch at Crumsby’s. I’ve heard about this place from so many folks in the last while, I decided it was a great excuse to get the girls out for some food and to catch up on gossip. Crumsby’s is great little coffee shop on Estevan just up from Willows Beach - and they have some of the best little cupcakes that I’ve ever eaten!!! It is also a very kid friendly environment… which is great since KEW seems to be in the “not sitting still” stage of life. The shop has a bright and comfortable atmosphere, great lunch menu of panini and salads, friendly staff and a wonderful selection of little cupcakes loaded with lots of tasty icing (mmmmm… icing). There are wonderful Adirondack chairs to lounge and read a book in, tables inside and out to enjoy a meal at and a whole section of kiddie toys for the little ones to play with while Mama sits by with friends (or just a good cuppa coffee or tea). R and I ended up moving on to the lunch portion without C as SOMEONE forgot about our date (no really, I’m not hurt…). Although there was a bit of an adventure for R to actually get her lunch, all was worthwhile. Once C joined us we were ready for some treats. Ok, we had already had a couple of free sample cupcakes… so I guess we were ready for some MORE treats. KEW also seemed to know exactly what a cupcake was when I asked her if she would like one… and she knew exactly where to go to find them. She did make an attempt to go around the counter to help herself… but she was caught in the nick of time. I made a selection of 6 little treats (buy 5, get one free) and returned to the table to sample. I think I ended up wearing most of KEW’s little berry cupcake… but it did keep her busy for a while. As for the others… well they were pretty dang good! As those who know me know, I do love my chocolate. However, I have to say that the vanilla cupcake with lemon vanilla butter cream icing was about the best thing I have eaten in quite some time. I may be trying to reproduce that treat sometime in the near future! Oh ya, I almost forgot! One of the coolest things while we were at lunch - meeting another young girl (8-ish?) who had the same name with the same spelling as my KEW. I’ve heard of a few others with the same name, but this was the first I’ve encountered with the same spelling. Of course my KEW didn’t have the same YSL purse (no, it wasn’t a knock off) or the same Oak Bay glow about her (there must be something in the water over there)… but they did have one thing in common!

OK, now on to my rant. What the frack is with all of the people buying bottled water still? It could be that I am just noticing it more… but it really feels like I am seeing more and more individual plastic bottles of water lately. I honestly don’t know why people have to buy water in that way… especially when we have such great water here in our beautiful city! Not to mention that pretty much any where you go these days you can get a sports bottle or aluminum water bottle for free or pretty darn cheap. Ok, so maybe you don’t have access to good water for some reason… but why then not buy a big jug of water? Do you really need 24 little bottles of water? Sure, yes, I have heard the excuse that you can recycle the plastic water bottles and they won’t end up in the landfill forever. Great, good to hear that you are recycling, but don’t you get that the energy it takes to actually recycle those water bottles is something we could do without (hello… pollution at so many levels there folks). Oh wait, how about we start with the big ass truck that is hauling all of those crates of water bottles from the “factory” to the stores. Those trucks aren’t exactly putting pink fluffy clouds in to the air!

Oy… I’m getting tired and can’t rant any more. My plea instead is for people to just think twice about their bottled water purchase. Turn on the tap instead. And if you really need a water bottle, let me know – I’ll try to hook you up.

Things I’ve learned lately about being a mother…

After many years of wondering, I can now truly understand why my mother doesn’t sit down (or is rarely sitting down and sitting still). The fact is you can’t – there is just way too much stuff to get done around the house when you have that little creature depending on you. If you don’t get the chores done “on time” then not only do you have them and the build up the next day… but you have a whole lotta chaos with it! If you do find a moment to yourself to say, watch TV or write a little blog… a little thing called guilt starts to creep in and remind you that there is something that needs doing. You might not even know what that something is… but you haven’t done it yet so you’d better get on it!

I’ve also learned how strong the “Mother Bear” instinct is. I am honestly struggling to put in to words the emotions running through my brain and body over the last few days when I think of the sicko creepy sex offender living in Sidney. The anger towards our Canadian Justice system for letting a freak like that walk the streets in the communities I love. I’m also feeling a huge amount of protectiveness over my daughter and ever other young girl in this town that might come across the path of this heinous creature. Then there is the hints of fear for “what if”… and the related defensiveness to the “I pity the fool who comes too close to my girl”. And worst of all, the worry of how to raise my daughter to be strong and independent and open and trusting yet cautious and aware… and not scare the crap out of her when there are “bad people” out there who might be interested in hurting her. I don’t want a creep like this to put so much fear in to my life or my community… but to provide a good life for myself and KEW I need to keep my eyes and ears open just as much as my heart.

With or Without...

Over the last couple of years I have learned a lot about what I really need versus what I want… and ultimately what I can live without. Being pregnant and preparing for life as a single mother made me spend some serious time evaluating “stuff”. I had been an independent single woman for some time and really had a lot of freedom with what I did with my time, money and space.

There has been many a day over the recent months where I really start to wonder where all my money went in my life pre-KEW. Now that I have to pay for daycare, diapers, clothes and food for another little person in my life… a lot had to change. All those things that I’ve listed (and the ones that I didn’t) add up to a pretty penny by the end of each month! I don’t have Stacha or Bailey or their respective vet bills any more, but the KEW expenses generally add up to more than my fur-baby expenses ever did! So where did all that money go to… and how the heck do I make it work today??? Although Ikea seems to be surviving without me (shocking as it is), I also seem to be surviving without them (or at least without a shopping trip in nearly 2 years)! Gone are the regular take out dinners. Gone are the many many tabloid magazines filling up my recycling bag. Gone are the shopping bags of clothes and shoes and “stuff” that I just had to have. And the part that I never would have learned without KEW – I’m ok without all that stuff. Ok… I do miss my trips to Ikea – but I think that is more about missing my girls’ day trips to the store with R and C!!!

I’ve had a lot of wake up calls over the last while about how lucky I am in life… and I’m really working hard not to push the snooze button on that lesson. Sure, I have crappy days (don’t we all)… but there are a lot of folks out there in the world a lot worse off. One of those wake up calls came through a powerpoint that is similar to the show at The Miniature Earth. If you haven't seen it... do check it out. It's a bit of a reality check.

I had an "ah ha" kinda moment yesterday. Driving home after our trip to the Backyardigans (ya gotta be a parent of a wee one to really get the coolness of this reference) show at the Mac I crept along Blanshard with the rest of the rush hour traffic. As usual, there were some street folks at the intersections begging for cash or handouts of any kind. I’m generally not to keen on the street people thing… but I had a few recent reminders pop in to my head –“see, an example of someone who is worse off” and “what you give comes back to you”. So I started thinking of what I could do to help. I didn’t have cash with me to give to this guy… but I did have a big juicy nectarine in my purse. His sign said something like “Homeless and hungry. Anything will help”. Well, if he really is hungry, then that nectarine will taste really good. Down went the window when the light turned red and I offered up the fruit. He took it with a very grateful thank you. When he went to return to the curbside, the American with the thick accent in the car beside me stopped him and gave him some cash (apologizing profusely that she had to give him American dollars – LOL). Then the car behind them called him over and gave him some cash. I’ll be honest… I don’t think I’ve ever been at a stop light and noticed people in the waiting cars giving to the people asking for hand outs. I was surprised by the chain reaction of support that started with my offer of a nectarine… and I was even more surprised by how good it felt to give and how great it felt to see others give as well. The reminder that popped in to my head was right – I did get something back when I gave to someone else. I don’t even care what the guy used the cash for or if he ate the nectarine… I’m grateful to know that we as a society haven’t given up on charity and hope and supporting each other… myself included.

Extra Strength Advil Kinda Day…

For once in a long while, I’m not tired - yeah! However, I have just started my period and boy oh boy, I got me some whomper menstrual cramps! I’m sure any man reading this has just run from the computer in fear - but sorry, like farting, it is a natural body function! My current Advil calm is starting to wear off… so I’m feeling kinda uncomfortable and in the mood for a rant. I want to put something out there that has bothered me for years… and I really don’t know where else to go with it.

So we have all these taxes in life that we have to pay, and the government has deemed themselves kind enough not to tax food as it is considered an ‘essential’. So why exactly do essentials stop at food – are there not other things out there that really are essentials? And no, I’m not looking for a deal on some great shoes – I’m talking feminine hygiene products. I’m sure these things are taxed because some man out there is the one who determines what is taxed and what isn’t… but if those things aren’t essential, I really don’t know what is! Gone are the Clan of the Cave Bear days when we can turn animal furs in to our monthly friend – tampons and pads (or other such products) are a necessity to every woman at some stage of life. It’s bad enough that we have to pay so much for them as it is… but to also have to give some extra to the government while making such purchases…GRRRRR!