Smarty Pants

So on Wednesday evening when I was picking up KEW from daycare, one of the gals says to me “She is so smart, sometimes it scares us.” Whew… good to know that I’m not alone with that sentiment. Ok, I know, every parent has a beautiful and bright child. But really, I’m not talking about this to brag or to boast… but to tell you how much this scares me!

KEW is a smart cookie… and oh, how amazingly observant she is! She has also been nick named the ‘Hall Monitor’ for a while now as she doesn’t hesitate to tell anyone and everyone what the rules are and how they are being broken. She is often a little organizer (ya ya, I know where she gets THAT from) and she doesn’t hesitate to tell you how she’s feeling or what she knows or what she sees (ok, I get it)… but the kid is only 2 ½ years old! Since it is just KEW and me on the home I really feel most days like this is how all toddler/preschoolers behave. But I’m learning more and more that this isn’t necessarily the case!

Ok, back to why this scares me. As a parent, it is my job to help her learn and grow and become a wonderful person. That she wants to learn and picks up on everything around her to advance is a great thing. But wait - what if I’m not doing enough? What if I am not controlling my own bad habits and have now passed them on to her? Is she balanced enough and getting a chance to get the people smarts as well as the book smarts? Will she throw a baseball “like a girl” or like a ball player? How to I make sure to continue to stimulate her so she does develop… and not become bored and frustrated with learning? There are so many things that we do… and so many more that we don’t do… and this unwritten competition among parents to ensure their kids can do it all adds even more to the pressure!

ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, it’s out there… I’ve said it. I’m sure most parents have these same worries… but honestly, it feels way too often that there is a script of what we parents are or aren’t allowed to say or do to raise the perfect child. Most days I’m doing all we can to make it from beginning to end. But man oh man… I so want her to have all she deserves and learn everything that the world has to offer. For now, it seems to be working for us, so I have to cross my fingers that it continues!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

While dropping off KEW at Gingerbread this morning a small group of the girls were talking about bedtime stuff and one mentioned that she snuck in to her parents’ bed to sleep the night before. I said that KEW did that last night too. Then one of the girls said she did too and asked the last little girl if she snuck in to her Mommy and Daddy’s bed. To which she answered “My Daddy doesn’t live with me any more.” The other girl responded, without missing a beat, “Oh, then just your Mommy’s bed?”

I was a little stunned, and honestly… impressed. These little 3 and 4 year olds are wise beyond their years. It doesn’t faze them to have different family set ups… it is just ok and normal. I guess it could be considered sad that there are so many non-traditional families out there that this is somewhat normal now. But I am trying to look on the bright side and see that these kids aren’t picking this as a point for others to be noted as “different”.

It is so different from what I grew up around that it doesn’t feel normal to me. Families are so many things now… which is really a good thing… just different. I don’t want KEW to feel different because of our set up… so I think I’m over sensitive and careful about the expectations of her and others.

Explaining to KEW about why our family is different has and continues to be one of those things that I think about and worry about ever once in a while. She has never said anything about a Daddy… and so far doesn’t seem to care. Maybe she won’t ask for a while… as none of the other kids seem to be concerned about who has what when it comes to parents. I know I will have to talk about it one day… but after today I’m thinking that she is growing up in such an accepting environment that perhaps it isn’t going to be as tough of a conversation as I originally thought!

Enough

Today I had a bad day. It was a bad day for me and a bad day with KEW. These kinds of days aren’t fun and they can take some time to work through. I know they happen to every parent, but today was sticking with me in a different way. I’ve had a few people tell me lately that being a single parent is no different from a couple raising a child. I always try to be polite when I hear those kinds of statements… but today was the kind of day that makes me ready to fight back and say “Really?”

Today was one of those days when I really could have used another person there as a buffer. I needed someone else to listen to the whines and the whys. I needed someone else to help with the chores. I needed someone else be there so I could go to the washroom without an audience or so that I could shower without someone begging me to hurry up so they could get help with the shoe that was stuck. I needed someone else there so I could walk away from the frustration for 5 minutes and not leave my child alone. But most of all, I needed someone there for me.

You see, that is the big difference between being a single parent and being in a couple – the alone part. Even if you are the one in the relationship who does ALL of the chores and ALL of the child rearing “stuff” (and c’mon, really? If your partner doesn’t help out all ALL, then you need to have a talk)… you aren’t alone. You have another adult to talk to. You have someone else there who can help you feel better when you are in the dumps. You have someone else there who loves you. For you see, being a single parent isn’t just about raising your child alone… it also means that you have moments of being lonely.

So let’s be clear now.

I’m putting it out there.

ENOUGH with trying to tell me that “there really is no difference”.